I'm Not Letting Go
by booksmaketheworldgoround
Summary: "Remus, so often melancholy and lonely, was first amused, then impressed, then seriously smitten by the young witch." And for the young witch, it was always him, even if he was at first, too dense to see it and then too bloody self-sacrificing to accept it.
1. The Ivory Vase

**Disclaimer: Anything you recognise doesn't belong to me. I'm just borrowing them for a while.**

Overall, the view wasn't dissimilar to a depressing painting. A small shed, just about held together with a few rusted nails sat forlornly in the centre of a field that was more mud than anything else. The evening summer sky was hidden under a thick blanket of dark grey clouds and tumultuous wind.

Dark magic had taken root here. The weather was decidedly not natural, it was likely the building wasn't either.

Aside from the roar of the wind, all was silent. Silent, until there was a splash, quickly followed by a rather crude _squelch_ and a string of obscenities.

"Auror Tonks!" Kingsley shushed her, frozen against the wall of the shed.

Tonks felt a deep red blush grow all the way from her chin to the tips of her hair. "Sorry!" she mouthed at her boss, who was clearly trying to fight the amusement on his face. But really, _how_ was it her fault that she'd just happened to Apparate into a waist deep puddle that was so cold it had sent her flailing backwards into the mud.

"May I remind you," Kingsley whispered, barely moving his lips. "That if we fail to carry this out smoothly we stand to lose a lot more than our dignity."

She grabbed his outstretched hand and with effort, managed to pull herself upwards. Typical, she thought ashamedly. Her first important assignment for the Order and she'd almost messed it up before they'd started.

Bracing herself against the flimsy wooden wall, Tonks grabbed her wand, still miraculously dry inside her coat pocket, and twitched her nose to turn her hair a shade dark enough to blend in with their surroundings.

The Auror section of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement had received a tip off that an unknown group were using the area, a deserted corner of Norfolk, as a base to practice some really nasty stuff; raising Inferi and the like. The powers that be had suspected nothing more than a gang of unruly teenagers and disregarded it, until Kingsley, using persuasive powers that even Mad-Eye would have been impressed with, had convinced their superiors to let himself and Tonks have a go at it. Neither of them had any doubts about who this "unknown group" actually were.

She gripped her wand, half nervous, half _really_ nervous. She didn't doubt her abilities, she knew she was a talented Auror, and damn good in a fight. No, she wanted to prove herself loyal to the Order. Technically, she'd been a member for almost two months, been to every meeting, met everyone else. But this was the first chance she'd been given to really do some good and show how valuable she could be to the group. She knew how she presented herself to others; funny, but not to be trusted with anything remotely dangerous. Molly Weasley still wouldn't let her pour her own tea. Here, now, she would show what she was made of.

Kingsley signalled her to approach the front door from the right while he approached from the left. She nodded, and fervently hoping that her heavy leather boots would be silent for once in their life, began to edge forward, pausing every few seconds to listen. The whole thing sent shivers up Tonks' spine. It was too quiet. As Kingsley reappeared around the side of the shed and prepared to break down the front door, Tonks grit her teeth.

It's now or never, Dora.

With a loud bang from the end of his wand, the wizard sent the old door flying off its hinges and the pair rushed into the darkness inside.

In the four seconds it took her eyes to adjust to the darkness, the Auror noted two things. One, they were the only living things in the shed. Two, the air was filled with the smell of blood and the unmistakable tang of evil magic.

"Lumos maxima." Tonks performed the spell wordlessly, and a bright beam of white light erupted from the end of her wand. Next to her, Kingsley did the same, and began cautiously exploring the room.

It was much larger than it had appeared from the outside, unnaturally so. It was also completely bare, and spotless. Not one dust particle rested on the floor, or on the wall. The wood floor was a heavily varnished black, and gleamed dully in the darkness. The hair on the back of her neck prickled. Something was very, very wrong.

"Kingsley I don't like this."

At the sound of a voice, a noise echoed around the room, almost like a sigh. Tonks blinked once, twice, three times. Something had appeared. A small pillar that reached to perhaps the top of her hip, carved from the smoothest white marble, atop which sat an urn. An urn made out of black ivory.

Tonks swallowed. She was now more than ready to turn and runaway with her tail between her legs. Fighting for the Order was all well and good, but this had just into something much bigger and potentially much more dangerous than a simple Death Eater disposal trip. Talented as they were, she and Kingsley were still only two.

"We need to get out of here." Kingsley said quietly, staring at the urn. Tonks nodded, but couldn't tear her eyes away from the gleaming vase. It was…transfixing. She couldn't tear her eyes from it, any more than Kingsley could. Before she had registered what she was doing, she had raised her arm and ever so lightly, brushed a finger against one of the ivory handles.

The effect was instant. The urn exploded in a shower of green light and magic. The two Aurors were lifted into the air as though they weighed no more than feathers, then were thrown violently away in the explosion. Tonks felt the shed wall break and splinter against her back and head, and the air leave her lungs as she was slammed into the mud and cracked her head against a hidden rock. As she drifted out of consciousness, she thought she saw several cloaked figures twist into existence around her, wands raised and ready to attack.

 **I love Remus and Tonks as a pairing and always wanted to know more about how they met, what their interactions were like, everything. I'm a massive nerd basically. So this is the result of that. I hope you enjoy, reviews are of course much loved, appreciated and adored.**

 **x**


	2. The Outspoken Auror

**Disclaimer: The world is not mine, I just have a constant and never ending obsession with it.**

"Auror Tonks."

The deep voice shattered her reverie and she jumped, her elbow jerking and knocking the glass of pumpkin juice onto the dark stone floor, where it promptly shattered.

"Oh bloody hell…yes sir?" Tonks said quickly, groping in her robes for her wand and flushing. Kingsley Shacklebolt, one of the most senior Aurors in the Ministry, merely raised an eyebrow at her in a kind of weary amusement and flicked his own wand, neatly repairing, refilling and replacing the glass back on her desk.

"My office, when you have a moment." He said, already turning and walking away. Tonks swore quietly to herself and took a gulp of her juice, placed between two precariously balanced piles of paperwork. She had been avoiding doing them for at least a week, but anything was preferable to being dragged to Kingsley's office and being shouted at for whatever error she'd made today.

"Don't worry." Her colleague Annabelle said to her, sitting across from her and almost hidden behind her own rather large pile of paperwork. She was watching Tonks throw back the pumpkin juice with a rather impressed expression on her face. Probably remembering what she had done with the Firewhiskey at last year's office party. "It might be nothing."

Tonks snorted. "Yeah right. You know as well as I do that you only get called to his office if you're in a massive pile of dragon shi-"

"Auror Tonks!" The ringing voice echoed through the hall and Tonks flushed as she felt dozens of pairs of eyes fly towards her.

"Oh god," she groaned to herself as she stood up. "See you at my funeral, Anna."

"Do I get your tape collection?" The dark skinned witch grinned cheekily as Tonks passed her by.

"Go to hell." She said affectionately, ruffling the dark curls which waterfalled down her fellow Auror's back. She'd once attempted to mimic Annabelle's hair, which had resulted in Anna snorting tea all over her desk and telling her, between gasping breaths, that she looked like a drowned sphinx.

Tonks' mind was racing as she approached Kingsley's office with heavy footfalls, feeling like a criminal walking to the gallows. What could she have possibly done to offend the stoic and powerful Auror? Perhaps she shouldn't have ignored the work piling up on her desk, but it wasn't like Shacklebolt to care about things like that, and it's not like he was in the office enough to notice.

She reached his open door far too soon, and paused in the doorway. He was sat behind his desk, writing something and completely ignoring her.

"Shut the door please Miss Tonks." He said, without looking up. She did as he asked and stood in front of him, twisting her hands together, her heart pounding. She hated being told off, it reminded her of all the times Filch dragged her by the ear to McGonagall's office, usually for impersonating a teacher.

When Kingsley did eventually look up, his eyebrows shot up and a small smile appeared on his face. "If you could control your hair for one moment, please."

Tonks threw a glance to her right, where a large gilded mirror rested on the wall. Her hair was changing colour, faster than you could blink. Neon pink, to midnight blue, to white, and every colour in between. She gulped audibly and forced it to return to its usual bright pink.

"Sir, if this is about the incident with the quills, I'm so sorry, I really had no idea…"

"Ms Tonks."

"I had practiced the spell plenty of times, I didn't know it was unreliable with feathers…"

"Ms Tonks."

"Then when the fire started I did try to put it out but it was spreading too fast…"

"Auror!"

Tonks swallowed her words.

"What I actually wanted to speak to you about," the wizard said, folding his hands together and looking at her in a way that dared her to try and speak over him again. "concerns the…let's call it a debate, that look place between you and Auror Davies three days ago."

She raised her eyebrows. She had not expected this.

"With Davies, sir?"

"Yes. As I understand it, you and he became rather heated in your discussion about Albus Dumbledore." His voice lifted in amusement. "Scrimgeour tells me you used some rather choice language."

"Well, Davies is an idiot sir." Tonks said bluntly. She wasn't afraid to voice this thought. She'd told the man himself on many occasions. He was ridiculously mediocre, yet possessed a confidence and arrogance that he hadn't earned. He was even newer than Tonks, but couldn't understand that this placed him at the bottom of the authority ladder and so spent most of his time telling professional Aurors how to improve their techniques. Needless to say, he wasn't very popular, and Tonks had been waiting for an excuse to take him down a few pegs. When she had heard him declaring loudly across the office that Dumbledore was a fool for believing that "fourteen year old walking danger with a head wound", and needed to be replaced by someone with a more years and brain cells left, she had had enough. She had retorted that anyone idiotic enough to believe the spiel that The Prophet was excreting should probably sit down before they injure themselves on some Spellotape. Insults and retorts had shot back and forth, and Annabelle had had to physically stop Tonks from drawing her wand. Who knows what would have happened had Scrimgeour not limped into the office at that exact moment and roared at that to sit down before he fired every single person in the room.

"He has his opinions, and is entitled to them." Kingsley said diplomatically. "What I wanted to know was, do you believe what The Prophet and the Ministry have been informing us of late? Is Dumbledore becoming senile in his old age, and lying to the wizard public?"

Tonks paused. Clumsy she may be, but unobservant she was most definitely not. She was well aware how the Ministry was attempting to portray Dumbledore, load of dragon dung that it was. She also knew that anyone too outspoken in their support of the great wizard ran a high risk of losing their job and being discredited. She was lucky she'd got out of the incident with Davies with only a warning, she supposed she had Scrimgeour's own personal dislike of Davies to thank for that.

"I believe in trust." She said carefully. "Albus Dumbledore is one of the greatest wizards in the world, the Ministry has always believed that. His judgement and guidance has never steered the wizarding community wrong before, yet in a month he has become the enemy of peace and democracy."

She shrugged. "Perhaps I'm not informed enough on the subject to give an unbiased opinion sir. He was my Headmaster after all."

The falsehoods tasted bitter in her mouth. Whatever Dumbledore said, she believed. If he said You-Know-Who was back, then back he was, and if they, bloody dark wizard catchers, weren't ready for him then how was the rest of the country supposed to be? The Minister and his officials however, was less convinced, and had been shutting all the Aurors away in their office with paperwork all summer. It was frustrating and dangerous. Tonks could feel her magic growing slower and less effective the less she used it. At the risk of getting into big trouble, she had been sneaking spellbooks from the Auror Office back to her flat, to practice the more complex spells and defences. Whatever was going to happen, she wanted to be prepared.

Kingsley spoke, breaking her train of thought. "I want you to meet me after work on Friday."

"I…I beg your pardon?" Tonks spluttered. Images of her and the wizard exchanging gooey looks over a pint of Butterbeer flashed in her minds eye.

He cut across her, all business. "Your old mentor is coming into town. I thought you might want to accompany the two of us for a drink and see what he has to say about all this."

"Mad-Eye's back?!" Tonks grinned. Last she'd heard, Moody had been teaching the next generation "constant vigilance" at Hogwarts. It would be good to see him again. "Yes sir, I'll gladly come along."

"Good." Kingsley handed her a slip of parchment, on which was scrawled an address and time. "Don't be late, you know what Alastor can be like."

She nodded and looking at the paper, frowned. "Grimmauld Place? There's nowhere to drink there sir."

"Your knowledge of the location of local watering holes is astounding." said Kingsley dryly. "But don't worry. I'm sure we'll find somewhere."

Tonks left the office, full of excitement and an odd sensation she couldn't quite figure out. Grimmauld Place? The name sounded familiar, like a half forgotten memory. Making a mental note to ask her mother about it before going, she pulled the nearest stack of paperwork towards her with a sigh. Friday could not come soon enough.


	3. The Ugly Umbrellastand

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, sadly.**

 **Slightly longer chapter this time! Hope you enjoy.**

 _She spluttered, feeling oxygen and sensation rush back to her in one intense moment. The air was ice cold, shooting into her lungs fast enough to make her cough. The mud beneath her was thick and cloying, sticking to her clothes, skin and hair. Her head was splitting in pain and her vision swam in and out of focus. Every joint in her body ached and she winced as she sat up. Her bones felt hollow, brittle, like they could snap at any moment. Every inch of her skin felt bruised and battered and as she tasted blood on her upper lip and felt a sharp pain in her shoulder, she realised her nose was broken and her right shoulder likely dislocated. Her lungs felt battered, her breathing was more wheezes than anything else. She felt like she'd just gone ten rounds with a giant. Forcing herself to concentrate by sheer willpower, Tonks realised she was lying on the ground a few feet from where the shack was. Or had been, as the case now was. The frail wooden walls and roof and been obliterated, and all that was left was the ivory vase on its marble plinth. Another split second passed before her Auror training kicked in._

 _Location, situation, solution._

 _Location. In the same field she and Kingsley had Apparated to not five minutes ago. Speaking of, where was Kingsley? She twisted her head around. He was lying to her right, five or so feet away, and appeared to be unconscious._

 _Situation. The field was empty, save for them, and the plinth. Tonks frowned. She had seen figures appear before she passed out, she knew she had. So where were they? She was injured and needed medical attention, aside from what injuries she was able to diagnose herself, who knows what could have happened internally when she touched that blasted vase?_

 _Solution? Her gut told her to wake Kingsley up and get back to Grimmauld Place as fast as possible. They'd been able to Apparate in no problem, there were no wards around the place. Kingsley even had a Portkey hidden in his robes, set to go off every two minutes if in contact with human skin, to take them back to Headquarters. They should grab it and go._

 _But…_

 _Call her foolhardy, call her paranoid, but something was wrong here. Before the wind had been howling in her ears, now it was deathly quiet. Everything seemed to be holding its breath. Waiting for something._

 _She scrambled over to Kingsley. The wizard was still unconscious, and Tonks bit her lip as she saw the dribble of blood from the wound on his forehead. It took a lot to take down her colleague, he must have been injured in the blast, worse than she was if he was out cold. She grasped inside his robes for the cloth covered Portkey, she was too weak to attempt a side along Apparition in her current side. They needed to get back, get treatment and get back up. The hairs on the back of her neck were standing on end, and her fingers were shaking. She could admit it, she was terrified of staying here too long._

 _Just as she felt the large, comforting bracelet shaped object inside Kingsley's robes, a small scrabbling reached her ears. Tonks tensed, pressing her lips shut to hide the whimper as her shoulder gave a painful twinge. In one movement, she had retrieved the bracelet and twisted around, wand held in a defensive position as she attempted to shield Kingsley's still unconscious frame with hers._

 _The field was still empty. But the scrabbling continued. Tonks followed the noise with her eyes and found herself looking at a patch of earth about two inches in front of her feet. Something was trying to climb up from under the ground. She gulped, trying to unwrap the Portkey from its protective cloth without taking her eyes off the ground, which was beginning to move as whatever it was got closer and closer to the surface._

 _Need to get out, need to get out, need to get out, she thought frantically. Just as she had managed to grab the bracelet, and slipped it onto Kingsley's wrist, where it hung tight enough to stay on, but loose enough for her to grab it securely, the earth finally gave way._

 _It was a hand. Human, but rotting, decaying. The hand was quickly followed by an arm, then a head, then shoulders. Tonks felt her insides turn to ice as more and more hands emerged around them, and the long dead figures came fully into view. Who knows how many there were, all she could tell was that they were surrounded and vastly, horribly, outnumbered._

 _"_ _Inferi."_

Tonks swore. She had been doing that a lot more, probably the influence of the frail old wizard who sat on a nearby desk in the office. At least twenty times a day she and Annabelle would hear the most atrocious language floating across the room, and they would look at each other and giggle like thirteen year olds. If her mother heard some of the things he said she'd probably try to ground him. The thought made her smile.

The summer evening was beautiful, with a gentle breeze that carried with it the sounds of laughter as people began to spill out of their houses to enjoy the start of the weekend. Grimmauld Place however, seemed to block out most of the light and warmth and Tonks was thankful for the pink jumper that she'd thrown over her black tank top. She had wondered if it would clash with the bright red chin length curls she had this evening, but she was meeting with Moody and Kingsley. Whatever she looked like she'd still be the most fashionable out of the three of them.

Speaking of, the two were late. She didn't know about Kingsley but it was certainly unusual for Mad-Eye. He usually liked to arrive at his destination at least fifteen minutes early, in case of any potential surprises. She smiled at the thought of Death Eaters crouched behind the overgrown hedges of the park behind her.

Tonks looked up at the row of large terraced houses in front of her, then back at the parchment Kingsley had given her earlier in the week. She was in the right place…but there was nothing here but houses. Homes that looked like they'd been standing for at least two hundred years, and hadn't been cleaned since they were built. She didn't recognise the street at all, but something about the name still rang a familiar bell inside her head. She'd forgotten to ask her Mum if she knew anything about it. An influx of rogue exploding Howlers from the Detection and Confiscation of Counterfeit Defensive Spells and Protective Objects Office had made sure that she and all of her colleagues were rushed off their feet all week. She hadn't even seen Kingsley since Wednesday when he'd reminded her, dark eyes glinting in amusement as she desperately pulled screaming sheets of parchment from her hair before they exploded, about tonight. She touched the red curls ruefully. Still tender. That'll teach her to try Annabelle's waist length black hair again.

There was a slight _pop_ to her left, and Kingsley and Mad-Eye appeared at the end of the road. Tonks grinned broadly as she saw her old mentor twist his head from side to side, always on the way for some unknown threat. Kingsley spotted her and she raised her arm in greeting as she strode towards them.

"Wotcher!" She said brightly, beaming at the two men as she became level with Mad-Eye's shoulder, narrowly avoiding falling off the pavement as she side-stepped him.

"You shouldn't always greet people like that!" Moody hissed at her, fixing her with one steely eye. The other one of course, whizzing wildly around. "It's too easily identifiable, makes you an obvious target."

"I missed you too Mad-Eye." Tonks laughed. Kingsley raised an eyebrow at her.

"I didn't think anyone could get away with laughing at Alastor."

"Tonks has earned it." The man in question said gruffly.

"I beat him in a fight," Tonks said cheerfully, throwing an arm around the older man's shoulders. He stared at her, but didn't shrug it off, which was as close to affection as he got. "He lets me do anything."

Her old mentor snorted at her before taking off down the street, his pronounced limp making his coat sway ominously. She and Kingsley followed.

"You beat Alastor Moody in a duel?" He said to her as the three of them walked back the way Tonks had come. Her eyes were flicking back and forth. There was no pub, or anywhere that they could possibly get a drink around here, and she was growing steadily more suspicious.

"Yeah," she said absentmindedly. "For my final Auror examination."

"I wasn't aware that students dueled their mentors to prove their worth." Kingsley said dryly.

"Not usually." Tonks replied lightly. "But he got the big guys to make an exception for me. Said I needed a different kind of examination that focused on things other than my…natural abilities, let's say."

"And you beat him." Kingsley said, more to himself than her. "You, a student Auror, beat Alastor Moody."

Tonks shrugged. Neither of them liked to talk about it much. Mad-Eye didn't like admitting his weaknesses, and she didn't like to broadcast that kind of thing. The more vocal you are about your powers the more people are going to make you use them for their gain. She'd much rather save her skills for a real fight, instead of them being used by the Ministry to showcase their highly skilled and capable fighters. Plus, she always got a kick out of people's surprise when they found out that a 22 year old woman with pink hair and a fetish for tight graphic shirts had defeated one of the most well-known and powerful Aurors to have ever come out of the Ministry.

"Here we are." Moody stopped abruptly, and Tonks walked straight into his back. He gave her what she hoped was a good natured glare over his shoulder, and shoved another slip of parchment into her hands. "Read this, and think it. So help me Nymphadora if you say it out loud…"

"DON'T call me Nymphadora!" She hissed, glaring at him as she felt the red of her hair growing deeper. She unfolded the parchment and looked at the sentence written in cursive.

 _The headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix may be found at number twelve, Grimmauld Place, London_

"What's this supposed to mean?" She said, looking up at Mad-Eye. But he and Kingsley were both watching the houses in front of them intently. Tonks followed their gaze, and blinked. Another house had appeared, squeezed between (Tonks squinted, looking at the house numbers) number 11 and number 13. Where the aforementioned houses were dirty brown, this one was black as night, apart from the grey cement holding the bricks together. However, it was in a similar state of disrepair, the paint was peeling and the windows were dirty. Tonks felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up on end. Exactly where were the two Aurors taking her?

Moody went to move forward and Tonks grabbed his arm. "Mad-Eye, what the hell is going on?"

Her old mentor simply shook off her arm and stomped up the front steps. Kingsley gestured for her to follow him.

"We have a few friends who want to meet you." Was all he said.

"Oh great, because that's not vague and creepy." Tonks said quietly, but she followed them up the stairs anyway. She trusted Mad-Eye, and Kingsley didn't seem like someone who would put her in a dangerous situation. Still, as Moody opened the door, the witch surreptitiously drew her wand from inside her robes and held it firmly.

The hallway was long, cramped, dusty and dark. As Tonks' eyes adjusted to the darkness, shapes began to take form. Everything was decorated in shades of either black or silver. Rows and rows of goblin heads, attached to mahogany plaques, lined the walls. Tonks swallowed, feeling slightly nauseous. She supposed it would have been very grand in its day, but now the ornate wallpaper was peeling off the walls and she could feel the carpet wearing thin under the thick sole of her boots. To her right was a grand staircase, the kind that twisted and turned towards the first floor. Exactly the kind that Tonks would have loved to slide down, which would have undoubtedly resulted in a visit to the Emergency Department of St Mungo's.

Kingsley put a hand on her shoulder, startling Tonks out of her reverie. While she'd been taking in the décor, Mad-Eye was halfway down the corridor already. Tonks hurried after him, not wanting to linger too long in the creepy corridor. Then, her foot twisted on a loose part of the carpet, and she went down like a sinking ship, tripping over something as she did so.

Winded, sat on an aching behind, she could only blush and say "Oh." as she looked at what had tripped her up. A large, ugly umbrella stand in the shape of a severed troll's foot. A large, ugly umbrella stand that was now dangerously swaying after she had thrown herself over it. Kingsley barely had time to sigh and say "Not again.", before it hit the floor with a resounding thud. For a split second, all was silent. Then…

"MUD BLOODS! FILTH! TRAITORS! SCUM! DARING TO ENTER MY SACRED HOME!"

Someone was screaming. A horrible, piercing scream, almost feral. Tonks whipped her head around. It was a portrait of a woman. An ugly woman whose features were twisted in an animalistic rage. The thick curtains that had hidden her from sight must have blown open at the sound of Tonks falling, and now it seemed she was trying her best to literally scream the house down. Kingsley almost ran past her to join Mad-Eye in a defensive stance in the hall, and she heard pounding footsteps approaching. A door next to the staircase flew open and a group of people poured out, filling the entrance hall. Tonks was still on the floor, wildly disorientated as people ran around her, shouting to each other over the noise of the screams.

"Someone help me shut her up!"

"You grab that curtain and I'll grab the other!"

"SHUT UP YOU OLD HAG!"

"Are you sure Silencing Charms don't work?"

"We've tried every one under the sun….I SAID SHUT UP!"

Everyone had congregated around the portrait and two men, backs facing her, were attempting to close the curtains again. With a great heave, they managed to throw them shut and everything went deathly quiet. Tonks felt an arm grasping her arm so hard it hurt, and Mad-Eye pulled her up roughly.

"If you could try not to embarrass yourself for the rest of the evening, I'd appreciate it greatly." He growled at her.

"Sorry!" She whispered. "But it was dark!"

"Is this her?"

She twisted at the voice. Everyone was looking at her. Including (Tonks raised an eyebrow), Sirius Black. He was the one who had spoken and was watching her with as much wariness as she him. Her gut twisted at the sight of him. He looked far better than he had the last time she'd seen him. She'd been reading the Prophet at work, partly amused and partly disgusted by what they were printing about Dumbledore and the Potter boy, when she'd come across an article about the ongoing search for the wanted criminal.

It was as she had been skimming the page, which had contained nothing remotely interesting apart from the well-known moving photograph taken in Azkaban that Kingsley had appeared at her shoulder.

"Interesting read?" He had said lightly, almost too lightly. Tonks' ears had pricked.

"Nothing I haven't read about a million times before." She had sighed, putting it on her desk. The photograph had continued to move, Black laughing maniacally up at them.

Kingsley had leant down and picked it up. "He's related to you, isn't he?"

"Distantly." She'd said shortly. Everyone knew she was related to the Black family. "My great aunt's son. Although to be perfectly honest he's still better than ninety percent of the family."

"I had heard a rumour…" her superior had said suddenly said conspiratorially to her. "That he's actually innocent. Someone else is supposed to have killed all those people and betrayed the Potters."

"Who?"

"One of his friends, Pettigrew something. But who can trust rumours?" The wizard had straightened up, smiled at her and walked away as quickly as he'd appeared.

Tonks knew for a fact that Kingsley didn't involve himself in Ministry gossip at all. Her mind had been racing for the rest of that day, wondering if he'd known something and was dropping hints. Tonight, she realised, was the reason for that. He had been trying to prevent her from going hysterical, imagining that perhaps she was going to start firing hexes around the room at the sight of him.

"'Her' has a name, thank you very much." She replied tartly to her cousin, folding her arms across her graphic shirt and suddenly wishing she had dressed more professionally. She was the youngest in the room by at least a decade, and it made her uncomfortable.

Sirius Black grinned. "Oh, she's as feisty as her mother."

Tonks eyed the half empty Firewhiskey bottle in his hand. "Perhaps you want to examine yourself before you start comparing members of our family to their mothers."

The man who had helped him close the curtain let out a snort of laughter, then looked surprised at himself for doing so. Tonks looked at him. He could have been around her cousin's age, but his hair was streaked with grey and his face looked like the lines had been carved into it with worry. His shirt and tie fit him ill, the only thing that looked right was the grey cardigan that covered them. His eyes were a dark blue and across his face were three, old and faded yet still visible, scars. Diagonal and parallel across his face. But he wasn't ugly, or unappealing, quite the opposite. He met Tonks' gaze with a steady one of his own and gave her a weary smile, as if to say 'He's always like this.'

She let her gaze travel around the rest of the room as Moody introduced them. There was Sturgis Podmore and Emmeline Vance, two people she recognised from the Ministry. They were standing next to two red heads, who could only be Mr and Mrs Weasley. There was also Dedalius Diggle, standing with a man who Moody grumpily introduced as Mundungus Fletcher, and Sirius Black. The man in the grey cardigan was named as Remus Lupin.

"We are the Order of the Phoenix," Moody said, turning back to her, a proud tinge in his voice.

"And I think that's everyone." Kingsley said. "Apart from Bill, Minvera, Severus and Albus of course."

Tonks blinked. "Severus? As in, Snape?"

"I was as surprised as you were." Sirius Black said. "Trust me, he enjoys informing us all how blessed we are to receive his presence at these meetings."

"That won't go down well with Tonks. Last time someone told her she was lucky to be in his presence she Transfigured a rather unfortunate part of his body into a radish." Said a voice from the door. She poked her head around Mad – Eye's arm.

"Bill!"

She strode over to the red haired man and pulled him into a one armed hug. "God, it's been ages. How are you?"

"You know Bill?" Mrs Weasley said, looking from one face to the other.

"Tonks and I were at Hogwarts together." Bill explained, casually throwing an arm around her shoulder. "She was three years younger than me, but that didn't stop her from trying to hex a Slytherin in my year who tried to grope her mate."

"Backfired horribly." Tonks said ruefully, recalling the three weeks the slimy git had spent in the Hospital Wing. "I should have known better than to do it outside the dungeons. Snape gave me a month's worth of detention for it."

Bill chuckled. "Taught him a lesson though."

Mrs Weasley nodded, clearly wondering about the suitability of a hex throwing accident prone Auror as a friend to her twenty five year old curse breaker son. Moody simply grumbled quietly about it being dangerous to become too close to other members, as it made their inevitable death much harder to deal with.

"As much as I hate to break up this little get together," Black interrupted. "We should probably go downstairs. Don't want to keep Dumbledore waiting."

Dumbledore was here? This whole thing just got more and more interesting. Tonks turned to follow Bill down the dark, narrow staircase, when an arm shot out to hold the door, which she hadn't noticed was about to slam into her shoulder. The arm she realised, looking back, was attached to Lupin, who was behind her. He gave her a small smile. "Two accidents in the space of twenty minutes seems a little excessive, don't you think?"

She grinned at him. "Two in twenty minutes is very good for me, I would seriously lower your expectations if I were you."

"Noted." He gave a small chuckle, and Tonks decided she rather liked his laugh. She liked it even more when he stayed silent as she tripped over the bottom stair and almost fell face first into the kitchen, instead wordlessly grabbing her arm and setting her upright again.

 **Thanks guys! As always, follows/favourites/reviews are massively appreciated. Drop me a line, let's chat.**


	4. The Werewolf Thing

"So, dearest cousin," Sirius said, tipping the last of the Firewhiskey into his tumbler. "How did you enjoy your first Order meeting?"

"It was…" Tonks searched for the right word in her mind. It had most definitely been interesting, Dumbledore had given her so much information her mind was still struggling to take it all in. The truth about Sirius and Peter Pettigrew, Mad-Eye's impersonation by Barty Crouch Jr last year, Voldemort and what was going on, and what their jobs within the Order entailed. Mainly it was stake out missions and collecting evidence quietly until the Minister was ready to listen.

But for a secret organisation that was in serious danger if discovered by the Ministry, it had been surprisingly…normal. Tonks wasn't sure what she had been expecting, it wasn't as if she'd had much time to acclimatize, but sitting in a warm, clean kitchen (that actually looked lived in, compared to what she had seen in the hallway) at a table with people who laughed and joked together like old friends – apart from Snape who had sat looking like he was sucking on a lemon whenever he wasn't talking – while Molly Weasley fussed around, forcing tea and cake down everyone's throat had not been high on her list. She had sat quietly throughout most of it, shutting up and sitting down after her attempt to help Molly with the tea had resulted in spilled tea and broken china.

After the meeting, most had left fairly quickly, but Sirius had asked her to stay, saying that she was the first family member he'd seen in years, and one of the good ones to boot, so they may as well have a catch up.

"Different?" Remus offered from his seat opposite her. He hadn't moved from the table since he'd sat down at the beginning of the meeting. Several times throughout the meeting he had stopped Sirius from pouring more whiskey, usually when Snape was speaking. Sirius had told her that Remus lived with him at Number 12, so her guess was that he was trying to minimise the consequences of a drunk member of the house of Black, which he would inevitably have to deal with. She smiled.

"Something like that."

"Don't let anyone fool you, most of these get togethers are very boring." Sirius told her wisely as he spilled some Firewhiskey down his shirt.

"I don't think the main aim of these meetings is to provide you with entertainment, Padfoot." Remus said, a tired smile on his face.

"Then you've been sadly misinformed." The dark haired wizard winked at him conspiratorially. The three of them fell into a comfortable silence. Tonks watched the fire, letting the heat wash over her and feeling tired, yet content. It was disconcerting how a house so filthy and unpleasant had a room as warm and welcoming as this.

Suddenly, Sirius coughed on his drink, at the same time Remus said in surprise, "Your hair!"

"Hm?" Tonks held it up. The bright red corkscrew curls had dissolved into shoulder length waves, in a dreamy shade of pink.

"Have your eyes changed too?" Remus said, looking at her in fascination. She could very easily picture him as a Professor.

"What colour are they?" She said, frowning.

"Dark brown." Sirius said, having regained his composure. "I forgot that you did that."

"Did what?" Remus said, looking between the two of them. Tonks had an inkling that he was the kind of man who liked to know what was going on all the time.

"My dear cousin here," Sirius gestured at her grandly, as if Remus hadn't seen her before. "Is a Meta…a metamo…what's the word for it?"

Tonks laughed. "Metamorphagus."

"Exactly."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "I had wondered how you'd managed to pull off all those pranks Bill told us about."

"Apparently morphing into your teachers to scare students in the middle of lessons is frowned upon in an educational environment." Tonks grinned and shrugged. "Who knew?"

Sirius leaned forwards, swaying slightly, and Tonks realised just how drunk her cousin actually was. "So…what do you look like really?"

Tonks arched an eyebrow at him. "The same, really. A few more skin problems and horrible plain hair, but not that different. Being able to make yourself look like anyone else loses its novelty when you wake up no longer full of teenage self hatred, and you can't even recognise yourself."

She fell silent, wondering if she'd said too much. She eyed her glass. Sirius had summoned two more bottles of Firewhiskey from the cupboard and charmed them to keep their glasses topped up, and the three of them had been drinking steadily since the kitchen had emptied. Her eyes glanced upwards to see Remus watching her, chin resting on his hand. He smiled at her.

"I don't know." She shrugged, eyes falling back to the table. "It felt like an insult to my parents, to deliberately try and make myself look...not like myself. It's a visible gift from them to us, our appearance, and it seemed ungrateful to try and hide that part of me." Mentally shaking herself for letting herself get carried away, she laughed. "Merlin's Beard Sirius what's in this Firewhiskey? You've got me rambling on like a drunk at last call."

The only response she got was a large snore from the head of the table. Sirius' head had fallen backwards and he was currently expelling some interesting noises towards the ceiling. Remus smiled apologetically. "I think you lost him at skin problems."

Tonks tried to frown in mock annoyance, although her features felt heavy and hard to control. "And you let me carry on? Poor you, having to listen."

"On the contrary, I felt enlightened by your wisdom."

She narrowed her eyes at the man sitting in front of her, until he laughed. She decided, not for the first time since arriving at Grimmauld Place, that she very much liked his laugh.

"I'm being serious!" He said.

"Oh yes," said Tonks sarcastically. "Who wouldn't want to listen to the drunk ramblings of a twenty two year old stranger while their friend is attempting to bring the ceiling down with his snores?"

Remus pulled himself to his feet, trying and failing not to sway a little. "Well if it makes you feel any better, you sounded much older and wiser than any other twenty two old I've ever met. Or thirty five year old, now I think about it. Come on Padfoot." He looped his arm around his friend's shoulders and heaved him up. Sirius mumbled something unintelligible and snuggled his head in Remus' shoulder. He shot Tonks a glance that was both resigned and amused and she giggled into her glass.

"I suppose that's my cue to leave." She said, also getting to her feet and pulling on her bright pink jacket.

"Not necessarily." Remus said, securing Sirius' arm around his shoulder and making her pause. He raised an eyebrow at her. "You have my full permission to sleep at the kitchen table all night."

She snorted. "I'm sure your permission carries a lot of authority in this house."

He looked at the unconscious man in his arms pointedly. "Someone's has to. But honestly, we have plenty of rooms if you're…ah…not in a fit state to Apparate. The cleanliness is definitely questionable but they are, for the most part, safe."

Tonks grinned, plucking a handful of powder from a pot on the mantlepiece. "Thank Merlin for Floo Powder. Goodnight, Remus."

"Goodnight Nymphadora."

"Don't call me Nymphadora!" She narrowed her eyes at him as the green flames sprung up at her feet.

Seconds later, she appeared in the fireplace of her own flat, the warmth of the Grimmauld Place kitchen and Remus' farewell smile lingering on her skin.

As the weeks slid on, Tonks found herself looking forwards to the meetings more and more. Aside from Snape, they were a good group of people and she liked them all very much. A few members could only manage to come to the occasional meeting, but she, Moody, Kingsley, the Weasleys (minus Bill, who'd had to return, temporarily, to Egypt to make his farewells before officially coming home), Emmeline and Dedalius, as well as Snape and Dumbledore, were at every meeting without fail. Sirius and Remus were also there, and more often than not the three of them would stay late after the meeting, drinking and talking. She had even stayed over once or twice, when Remus had decided that she'd got too caught up in Firewhiskey drinking competitions with Sirius. For all that they talked about being best mates at school, Tonks sometimes got the feeling that it was as much a reunion for the two friends as it was for her and her cousin. They hadn't seen each other for thirteen years, one locked up and the other….Tonks didn't actually know what Remus' life had been like between the First Wizarding War and going to teach at Hogwarts. When she'd asked him, he'd given her a vague smile and very subtly redirected the question onto Sirius. That had led to a drunken rant about Azkaban, which Remus must have known would happen. He was very good at not talking about himself and yet learning everything about the people around him. Last week she had told him her favourite childhood memory and it wasn't until after she got home that she realised she didn't even know when his birthday was.

So when Tonks Apparated onto the front step of Grimmauld Place on a dry summer evening, she was determined that by the end of the night she was going to have learned something about the polite, mysterious man who sat opposite her at every meeting. She couldn't explain why it affected her so much, perhaps because she and Sirius were so open with their lives or perhaps she was just nosy, but it didn't matter.

It didn't matter at all, she found out, because Remus wasn't at the meeting. And it bothered her. All through Mad-Eye's update on the most suspicious people that the Order needed to keep an eye on (which was about forty five minutes longer than it needed to be), she kept glancing at the empty chair opposite her or up at the ceiling, as if she'd be able to see into his room. She knew it was silly, he might just be ill or out for the evening, there was nothing stopping him from having a social life after all. No one else seemed bothered by Remus' absence, least of all Sirius, who actually seemed to be enjoying the freedom to drink as much Firewhiskey as his heart desired. But by the time Mad-Eye finally wrapped everything up, her leg was subconsciously jumping wildly under the table. As people began to stretch and make conversation, she turned to Sirius, wanting to ask where Remus was, but Kingsley got to her first.

"I thought you might want to know your shifts this week." He said in response to her raised eyebrows.

"Oh, oh yeah…thanks Kingsley."

As he recited the list, her ears pricked. Tuesday night with Mad-Eye in some shack up north, Wednesday with Emmaline patrolling Diagon Alley, and Friday with Remus watching Malfoy Manor all night. It would be her first shift with Remus, and the thought of spending twelve hours with just him for company made something vaguely uncomfortable prickle in her stomach. It's not that she didn't like him, she did, but before there'd always been Sirius to fill any silence and give them a shared source of entertainment. She didn't do well in potentially awkward situations, and she really didn't want to embarrass herself in front of Remus. He was one of those people she felt the need to excel in front of, to impress. She had felt the same with Moody when they first met.

"…Tonks?"

"Hm?"

Kingsley was looking down at her and she flushed. "Sorry. Got distracted. Sounds good."

He sighed. "As I was saying, the rest of the Weasley family will be arriving here tomorrow. Just prepare yourself. Molly's been waiting for an opportunity to scrub this house from top to bottom, she'll probably try and get you, Sirius and Remus involved, as it's you three that seem to be here most of the time now."

If there was a note of inference in his voice, she ignored it. "What about you?!" Tonks said, only slightly pretending to be outraged. "You and Moody are here all the time too! How have you managed to get out of this?"

He adjusted his robes rather smugly. "She didn't ask me to help."

She threw her hands up. "Perfect. This is what I get for being so kind and helpful."

Kingsley chuckled at her indulgently, and bid her farewell. She and the older wizard had become rather fond of each other over the past month or so. During office hours he would often visit her at her desk and they would talk about everything and nothing. Annabelle was, of course, highly suspicious, and Tonks was fairly sure that there were rumours flying around the office about one of the junior Aurors sleeping with one of the senior ones, but she found the whole thing rather amusing.

"Snape was on top form this evening." Sirius grumbled into his glass, drawing her attention back to him. She sighed.

"Leave it out, Sirius, you're both grown men, way too old to be starting fights across the dinner table, especially about stuff that happened while you were at school."

He glared at her. "You sound exactly like Remus. I don't need another parent, thank you very much."

She rolled her eyes, but spoke affectionately, leaning across to rest her head on his shoulder. "Maybe if you stopped acting like a child we wouldn't have to babysit you."

"Hm." He replied. "Can you blame me? It's not like I'm able to go anywhere and release a bit of tension, is it?"

Tonks sighed. She hated it when he was morose, it sucked the life out of everything. But then her mind drifted back to Remus' empty chair. "Sirius, where was Remus tonight?"

She felt him stiffen and she drew her head back. He was looking at her in vague surprise. "He's in the attic, of course."

"The attic?" Tonks was bewildered. "Why on earth is he up there?"

Her cousin looked at her like he wasn't sure if she was joking or not. "It's the full moon tonight, Tonks."

"A full moon? What…"

"Oh Merlin!" Sirius interrupted her, his mouth dropping. "You really had no idea, did you? Bloody hell I thought we all knew. Why didn't he tell you, although he might have assumed…"

"Sirius, what on earth are you talking about?"

"Remus is a werewolf, Tonks. He's upstairs getting ready for the moon."

Tonks really didn't know what to say. She blinked three times, and Sirius summoned a glass from the cupboard, tipping a generous amount of whiskey into it. Thinking about it, it made a lot of sense. His scars, his unwillingness to talk about what he'd been doing for the past ten years, in fact his reluctance to talk about himself at all. She took a deep breath and gulped some whiskey. "Is he…is he alright?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "That's it? That's all you want to know?"

She shrugged, although her mind was still reeling a little. "I would imagine that him as a werewolf is the same as everything I've ever read about them. It's the person who makes the difference, isn't it. I've read up on Fenrir Greyback. Remus is nothing like him and that's the important thing."

She thought she had rather impressed Sirius with her answer, he didn't seem to have a reply. So he coughed. "Fair enough. But in answer to your question, he's…as well as can be expected. While he taught at Hogwarts he had Wolfsbane potion direct from Snivellous, but he hasn't had any since leaving and it's been hard for him to adjust."

"Hasn't anyone asked Snape to keep on making it for him?"

Sirius shrugged. "No one else knows, and I'm certainly not asking that weasel for anything."

She frowned. "But if it meant that he had something to help him…"

Sirius put his hand over hers and gave it a squeeze. "It's good of you to think of him Tonks, it is. But he'd hate it if he thought anyone was going to any trouble because of him. Trust me."

Tonks snorted. "That's bloody ridiculous. We're his friends! If we don't help him who will?"

"With all due respect, he's been dealing with this for a lot longer than the two of you have been friends. It's nothing he hasn't experienced before."

She bent her head, recognising the reprimand. "I'm sorry, I just… it isn't right that he shuts himself away like this."

Her cousin smiled. "He's not shutting himself away, I'll be with him tonight, as Padfoot obviously. And the best way you can be of use to him is by not acting up, or treating him any differently."

Tonks was genuinely offended. "Of course I wouldn't! What do you take me for, Sirius?"

"We've all been there, Tonks. It's hard to know how to act or say in these situations, especially when it's someone you care about."

She sighed, hating the idea of him alone, upstairs, waiting for the moon to rise in the sky. "Are werewolves any different before the full moon? There's loads of theories about the pull of the lunar cycle."

"An avid werewolf reader, are you cousin?" Sirius laughed at her.

"When you study them relentlessly for your NEWTS, some stuff will stick in your head." She retorted, sticking her tongue out at him.

Sirius stared at the amber liquid into his glass. "I don't know about all werewolves," he replied slowly. "But with Remus…" He sighed. "It's hard to explain. It's like, he's more in focus. His edges are sharper, his colours are brighter, his presence is so much stronger and demanding. He laughs louder, he drinks more, he's more affectionate with words and actions. As horrible as it sounds, it's like the moon gives him energy and life the fuller it gets. But Remus isn't someone who's meant to be in focus, and that's the bad side of it. He's quicker to anger and violence, especially when it concerns his friends and family. He gets drunk, angry drunk and at his worst, is selfish and mean. I'm not saying I don't enjoy seeing my perfect mate get wasted and piss off Snape with me, but…"

Sirius rubbed his face, and Tonks saw a shadow pass across it.

"He's not himself. That's why he doesn't like to surround himself with a lot of people on the day of the moon. It's the day that his…attitude comes to a head. He views that side of himself as degenerative and doesn't want anyone to see it. After the full moon, he's himself again. He's bone tired, feels violated and so fucking sad, but he's Moony. He's always searching for more gentle affection afterwards."

"Gentle affection?"

Something similar to a roguish grin spread across his face. "Put it this way. Before a full moon he'd want to throw you down on his bed and do things only I would be depraved enough to want to do. After a full moon he generally just prefers a hug.

"Oh." Tonks said, not really sure how to process that last piece of, rather unusual, information. "You'd better watch out then."

Her cousin snorted, and the mood lightened a little. "No, thankfully Moony has never lusted after me, although believe me when I say he's in a minority."

"I'm sure."

"Don't be rude to your cousin. But you wouldn't believe what he was like at school. Virgin plus teenage boy hormones plus the effects of the full moon made for some serious entertainment. Once James had to lock him in our dormitory to stop him going to the library to declare his burning passion for Orla Pertet. You'll have to get him to tell you sometime."

"Like he'd want to speak to me about that kind of thing." Tonks laughed. "I barely know anything about him anyway, details of his sexual exploits at Hogwarts might not be something he wants to share."

Sirius snorted. "Don't be stupid, Tonks. Of course he'll talk to you. He likes you. Admittedly he might not want to talk about sex with you, but if you mention the name 'Orla Pertet' I promise you he will drop whatever he's holding."

The two of them laughed. Then, there was the sound of footsteps from upstairs, and the easy mood shattered into dust. Sirius shot to his feet. "That'll be him. You should go Dora, please. He'd better not see anyone except me tonight."

Tonks was torn. She wanted to stay, wanted to see Remus, let him know that she knew and didn't care one bit, it didn't change her view of him. But as the footsteps grew louder, and Sirius gave her a look that was almost pleading, she sighed. It was a matter of respecting his privacy, and she had no right to intrude. And so, she bade Sirius farewell and Apparated home.

All evening, Tonks kept glancing out of her window, watching the full moon climb higher and higher into the velvet sky. As she cooked dinner, she wondered if Sirius had taken Remus back up to the attic, and whether he was with him right now. As she brushed her teeth she thought bitterly how ironic it was that something so beautiful could cause so much harm. Tonks told herself (as she lay awake well into the early hours of the morning, her view of the moon slightly hidden by her bright pink curtains) that she'd feel like this for anyone she knew and liked who suffered from lycanthropy. When her alarm clock showed her that it was three in the morning, and the moon was still hanging resolutely in the sky she decided enough was enough, and she turned away.

 **This one was a journey to finish, let me tell you. I keep trying to push the romance element too soon, and have to put the breaks on. That's how nerdy I am about this couple. Hope you enjoyed guys, reviews/follows/favourites are of course always much loved and appreciated!**


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